doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
