I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
