First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
