My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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