i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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