tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
