When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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