I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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