I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
