the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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