i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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