ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
