all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
