Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
