I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
