my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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