dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You don't make any sense
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