so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize