i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Quick, to the slutcave!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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