My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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