I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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