I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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