I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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