He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Randomize