Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
