i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
