In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am naked and annoyed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
