Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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