Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
