I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
