i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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