Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize