I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
