found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
