A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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