she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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