How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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