You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
