I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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