I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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