WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
