Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
