you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize