I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
