so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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