if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
