Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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