I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He shit in the fireplace
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
