New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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