Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
