It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
