At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
