so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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