i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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