I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
