all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize