either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
