Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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