one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
