Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
