3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
