I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
