Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So here I am, sexting at work.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize