i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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