He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
