walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
