It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
