Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
