Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
