Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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