I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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