Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
