just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
