I hate all girls vehemently.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
