3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize