Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
