btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
