im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
