i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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