sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
