Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize