I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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