Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
