Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
