i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize