Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
