I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
