Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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