third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
