It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
