Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize