he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
