why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
