that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
