speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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