dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
