Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
