Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
